I read an extremely interesting article today that dealt with the subject of abusive parents. The article talked about a therapist who has worked with many patients who suffer because of bad relationships they have with their parents. One women's mom was extremely abusive to her daughter over the years, but as her mom was dying, the women still felt like she should go and try to reconcile with her, even though her mom was always awful towards her when she tried to fix their relationship. Another young man was disowned by his parents because he came out as gay to them and they could not support his sexuality due to their religion. Even in an intervention staged by the therapist, the parents could not accept their son for what he was. The author of the article rights, "the assumption that parents are predisposed to love their children unconditionally and protect them from harm is not universally true." Although, I believe that it should be. In this case, the therapist recommended that this man stop trying to reconcile with his parents (after he attempted but did not succeed many times). He did, and eventually was able to overcome his depression, but he never forgot the absence of his parents.
Research shows that humans are hard-wired for bonding, the article says, so breaking this tie with abusive parents can be extremely hard. Furthermore, most abusive relationships are not always all bad. However, research also shows that childhood trauma can be very bad for the brain and can drastically impair adults' brains. Thus, having an abusive parent can be very detrimental to brain, development, and feelings. The therapist concludes that even though it may be severe, sometimes letting go of a parent is the best thing to do.
This article really struck a chord with me; I do not have abusive parents but I do know people who have abusive parents and it does not go without effect on them. But, I think that it is really sad that in the cases presented above, such drastic measures had to be taken. In my mind, parents should be accepting, nurturing, and selfless for their children. What do you think? Is it worth it to continue trying to mend relationships with an abusive parent or is it better to move on and focus on living a happy life? Does it all depend on the relationship, the situation?
I agree completely that parents should be supportive and loving of their children regardless of what is going on, but I know that this is not always possible. In attempting to see things from a parent's point of view, some personalities just clash. Despite this, the old phrase, "with power comes responsibility" definitely applies here. The parents have the power to rule their child's life, so they also have the responsibility to be benevolent. This, however, can be harder than anything else.
ReplyDeleteI'm 37 and after years of trying with my family I broke off from them. It was like quitting smoking, it took several attempts and I still have the odd weak moment, which I beat. You have to be philosophical about it, if your family are having a negative affect on you then let them go. Someone once said, There is no duty we so much underate as being happy, and I want to laugh and be happy.
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